My purpose in life

Everyine has a purpose on earth, right? Yet, not everyone knows what their purpose is. I think I've figured mine out. maybe this isn't my true purpose, maybe I have more than one, and I'm sure I'm not the only one with this purpose, but after a long weekend of thought, I've realized there is something that is uniform in all my relationships (whether good or bad, man or woman). I think my purpose is to HELP PEOPLE FIND THEIR AMBITION.

I say this because in EVERY single relationship I've been in (5, including my ex-husband), I've met them in a time of their life when things weren't so good for them (job wise) and after I left them, they ALL come to the conclusion that they need to straighten up and fly right. And they DO straighten up and fly right, but for someone else. In no way do I regret my role in helping them achieve their ambition, helping them to see the err in their ways, I just wonder if I will EVER be with someone that won't need my help, my motivation, or my MONEY to get them to the point they need to be.

And before I get the comment, yes, I know I'm probably meeting these people in the wrong place (only 1 of them I met in a bar), and yes i'm probably not giving other people a chance (when I'm with someone, I'm with that one person, and don't cheat, and I don't date people because of what they have, or could have for that matter. I date someone because of who they are as a person). So, maybe that's what I need to change. Maybe I need to start looking at what they do have, before I look at who they are as a person?!?! I don't feel that I should change my ways just for that. I do feel that something good is going to come soon, and I just need to be patient and wait. I don't know. Maybe I'm just rambling.

What got me thinking about this whole subject was a phone call that I received on Friday from my most recent ex. He actually called to ask me what it is that I feel he needs to change about himself, in order for him to grow, become successful, become a man capable of taking care of a family, etc. I did tell him HONESTLY everything that I felt he should change, and most things he agreed with me. But, ultimately, it's his call. And that's all I can do, is give advice. Hopefully, some day, I'll meet someone who doesn't need my advice, and I can be free from my duty. LOL!

20 firsts

I was tagged by my lil' niece, Insanely Sane, so here are my 20 firsts.....

1. Who was your first prom date? Didn't have one either. My fake ass boyfriend played me, but that's another story

2. Who was your first roommate? Mama Theresa

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time?Tanqueray

4. What was your first job? Sales associate at Merry-Go-Round

5. What was your first car? Ford Tempo

6. When did you go to your first real funeral? 16

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 6 months (Air Force brat), so I don't have a hometown. But I was 6 months when I moved from my birthplace.

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Don't remember

9. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? I don't know, because I was little, so maybe VA?

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? With a whole bunch of girlfriends in Germany. I wrote about that experience before.

11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?Juanita Smith, and YEP, to this day, that's the one who knows me best. We're a week apart, and our daughters were born a week apart (that's freaky!!!!)

12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house? With Mama Theresa

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Whoever can make me laugh. Miek will ALWAYS give me a good laugh.

14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Tameka's

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Hit the snooze button on the alarm.

16. What was the first concert you attended? LL Cool J ?!?!?!

17. First tattoo or piercing? A rose with my name going through it when I was 18.

18. First celebrity crush? I don't remember, maybe Ronnie DeVoe (that's the light-skinned one, right?) lol

19. First crush? Jose

20. First love? Eric Antonio

What's a girl to do?

Well, well, well.....I must say that my weekend has been pretty full. And now, a question for you all..... here's the scenario.

I got out of a relationship in September. I still have feelings for my ex, but am slowly coming out of all that. I will always have love for him, but can't waste my time or energy trying to make something be, that might not be meant. So, needless to say, I'm not looking to be in a relationship. I do, however, am open to friendships, and have met a few friends.

Long eyelashes - If you've been reading my blog, then you probably remember me talking about him before. He's a very fun guy, we always laugh when we are together. He just recently got out of a six year relationship with his kid's mother, so he SHOULDN'T want a relationship, BUT, there are times when he gets really sentimental with me, about how he feels about me, etc. and I kind of feel bad, because I don't feel the same. I do like him, but he's very young acting, and does things that annoys me, like drinks too much, etc. I keep my distance from him, and hang out with him occassionally, so that his feelings don't take him overboard.

Lawyer - Now, this man is starting out in stalker mode. Very handsome older man, calls about 15 times a day; I was at the laundry mat washing clothes, and he pops up, telling me to come outside, so he can "see my pretty face". Oh, please, you're just trying to get in my pants. And I KNOW you are, because you offered to buy my motorcycle. Now, the devious part me says "girl, get what you can!" But the angel side of me says, "karma is a bitch!" Of course, it would be LOVELY if he bought my bike, but I've never been one to date a guy, or sleep with a guy just because they bought me something, and I'm not about to start now. Now, if he wants to buy it for me out of the kindness of his heart, then hey, do you playa! LMAO!

Motorcycle dude - I met him a few months ago, at a motorcycle function. We talk on the phone maybe 2x a week, but haven't seen each other since then. I'm not really interested in him, since he's not making any effort to see me. He keeps asking me, "when am I going to see you?" Ummm, you live in NY and I live in NJ. For me to come to NY would take the same amount of effort for you to come to NJ. So, I guess I WON'T be seeing you.

Now, the KILLER, ex-beau - all of a sudden, he has a LOT of conversation for me. Calling my phone, asking what I'm doing, what I'm going to be doing later, etc. Now, being that I do still have feelings for him, I'm happy. But on the other hand, I can't trust it. Why are you calling me NOW all of a sudden? What is it that you are trying to get from me? What do you WANT?

I don't know blog land.... what do you think? About everything?